John Q. Uncommitted was born on a small farm in Lower Manhattan. He has climbed Olympus Mons, flown around the world in a small Private Jet, and eaten an entire box of Cheese-Itz in one sitting. Now, as he runs for President, he sits down to speak with his loyal fans.

Facebook: So, John Q. Uncommitted, how is your campaign coming?

Uncommitted: Well, it's coming.... wait a minute, why am I John Q.?

Facebook: Well, that's what it said on the dossier they gave me...

Uncommitted: My middle name is Qwerty!

Facebook: That's what i said.

Uncommitted: No, it isn't!

Facebook: Anyways, how do you feel about your loss in Michigain?

Uncommitted: It wasn't a loss, it was a moral victory.

Facebook: You lost by 15%, i wouldn't call that a victory...

Uncommitted: Then we agree to disagree.

Facebook: No... but.... What are your stances on the issues?

Uncommitted: Which one?

Facebook: Abortion.

Uncommitted: I believe in a child's right to live, and a mother's right to choose, and both of their rights to a fair say. Which is why, as President, I will push for more input by the fetus into it's own fate.

Facebook: Riiiight.... How about Border Security?

Uncommitted: Build a giant, America-shaped dome!

Facebook: Stem cells?

Uncommitted: Cut them off of plants, of course!

Facebook: The Middle East?

Uncommitted: I believe it has a right to exist.

Facebook: But what about the wars, and oil, and Israel?

Uncommitted: Well, who am i to say that they shouldn't exist, i believe we should not move to eliminate them.

Facebook: What?

Uncommitted: Exactly.

Facebook: Alright, now I'm gonna risk this one.... The Economy?

Uncommitted: Yes.

Facebook: Yes, what?

Uncommitted: The economy, we should have one.

Facebook: We do have one....

Uncommitted: Exactly, and what good does that do us?

Facebook: Umm.... Well it.... Hey, aren't I asking the questions here?

Uncommitted: The tables have turned! *laughs*

Facebook: No they haven't. Now, to your credentials. What did you do before you ran for President.

Uncommitted: Well, I graduated from NYU in 1984, then got a job at the United Nations. Which i held until last year.

Facebook: And what was the title of the position you held?

Uncommitted: Secretary-General of the UN.

Facebook: So you have no previous governing experience?

Uncommitted: None at all.

Facebook: Alright, thank you for your time John, but my patience is up.

Uncommitted: Don't you mean 'thank you for your patience but my time is up'?

Facebook: Sure.

Uncommitted: I am John Q. Uncommitted and I approve this message.